Congratulations on making it through the first few weeks of 2019! Some of you may be killing your new workout routine. Maybe you made a goal to meal prep for the year. You may have made a point to read more. Personally, mine is mostly just to survive, fighting the good fight of motherhood, wifehood, finding-myself-again-hood. Whatever the goal is, you made it a few weeks and that is to be celebrated! If you slipped up, give yourself that free dose of grace and press toward your goals and dreams for this year!

As you made your scrolls through social media this week, or chatted with family or friends about their goals, how many of you thought to yourself, “Maybe I should be doing that, too.”? I know I fought against my flesh like a mad woman to get my mind away from the comparison trap. There are so many things we feel like we NEED to do as moms, wives, or just women in general. But in all actuality, we’re all still walking very different lives with our own stressors and successes. Navigating our lives in the direction that we THINK we know we MAY want to lead….yeah, it’s a struggle. Comparing ourselves to others may stimulate a need to find something else that satisfies us. Not necessarily a bad thing to discover new talents or new knowledge, but as human nature has it, we want more (or less depending on the situation). Maybe we want more possessions, more love, more success, more fun, less weight, less clutter, less anxiety. You dream and dream of the possibilities, but you are still building towards that destiny of life, or working to accept where you are at. Do I want to be currently typing around the body of my one year old? Not really, no. But I am here in this moment, sharing the raw and real truth, because I need you to know you are not alone in your battles for destiny. At the end of many days, there is an unsettling in my spirit, and I cant really say I have figured out how to fix that fully at this point. Besides appreciating where I am at, and knowing that it’s not always going to be this way.

Wherever you are at, we have ALL at one point or another compared ourselves to someone else in some respect. It could be within parenting style, diet, weight, religion, possessions, wardrobe, career. Here’s a truth bomb: SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS THAT YOU DONT BOTHERS YOU. If you cant think of ONE thing, I would be appalled. I am going to describe a few of my comparison traps to you. I am going to be honest with myself, and with you. I don’t want to tell you these battles I fight. I really don’t. But at the same time, if I am not sharing this with someone who desperately needs to hear it, I am not setting out on the vision that God has given me for this blog. Which is to remind others of HIS insurmountable, and overwhelming grace!

THE PARENT TRAP

If I were to give myself a rating on a scale from 1 to 10 in being the best parent I could be, I would give myself a 6. I really think I do a decent job. I don’t necessarily teach my kids latin everyday, but I look for “natural teachable moments”. Most likely occurring at the grocery store, or in the Starbucks drive-thru. I don’t enroll them in every extra curricular under the sun because 1) I am lazy and 2) I am super lazy. I prefer impromptu, unplanned activities with them that are enjoyable. I celebrate those efforts hard too! Additionally, I am a physical touch person. (I credit the love language guy for that discovery) So, I give my kids a lot of hugs and kisses and tickles. They know they are loved by me, and that is extremely important. But if all three kiddos want to sit directly on top of me when I am tapped out at 6 PM, I have an undeniable Italian rage that comes out. THIS right here is the most disgusting part of my parenting. The yelling, the blood boiling, the thin hard line that my mouth forms into, the hot red face, the slamming of my hand against the table or wall. Like I said, I am gonna be real honest. I fight against this natural reaction every day. My kids look at me horrified when this rage comes out. I truly hate it. I see other moms and dads (ones that I know and don’t know) handling situations with their children so well and so calmly. Using kind words, but strong discipline to teach their little ones right from wrong. Seeing mutual respect from child to parent and vice versa. Listen, I know those mamas and papas have weak moments. But all I can see in that particular time is their success. Then, I slowly slip into the envious, jealous, treacherous, comparison trap, rather than the uplifting, encouraging, adoptive mindset that I should be in. Why haven’t I figured out the magic secret to making my kids listen to me without popping the vein in my forehead? Why do I get so angry (and so fast) while shaping the hearts and minds of these kids I was blessed with? Shouldn’t I be more thankful that God gave me these three beautiful children by raising them up in the way they should go? Have I already ruined them? Unfortunately, these are questions that run through my mind more often than I would like to admit.

THE BODY IMAGE TRAP

I want to share one more battle I face. I struggle immensely with body image and accepting my body for the exact way that God created it to be. In recent years, I have learned many ways to fight off the voice in my head that says “You are repulsive”. Before I share this with you, please know this. I am not looking for reassurance. I am not asking for you to give me validation that I look just fine and my body is a temple, and I brought three babies into the world, and blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard those words and I sincerely appreciate the efforts and encouragements that I have received in the past. I believe those words on most days. The truth is that I am not perfect, in my thoughts or actions, and I still struggle even if I am a size 8 or 14. Without giving my entire backstory on how this negative body image began, let’s just say I believed hurtful comments that were made towards me from a young age, and carried them with me for a long time. It affected everything. I look back at pictures and remember the days of getting dressed was so difficult. I lived in sweatshirts to hide the imperfections of my body. I was wearing mostly black even when I was considered a healthy weight, to mask the broadness of my shoulders and the lack of flatness of my stomach. It had to hide my lower belly pouch or it wasn’t worn. This obviously carried over into young adulthood, and still now I battle this toxic mentality. Mirrors and scales have taken away so much joy from my heart. Checking every angle in the mirror close to 50 times a day was normal. Weighing myself as soon as I woke up before breakfast, completely naked, was a daily ritual. I couldn’t escape the obsession. I would look at other people my age with similar circumstances and compare, compare, compare. Phrases such as this would go through my head: “Why do I have stretch marks and they don’t?” “How can she possibly wear a two piece after having children?” “Why is she complaining about her battle with weight? I would KILL to look like that.” The list goes on and on. I wish I could say I have beaten this sickness, but I haven’t. I am constantly fighting against the lies I tell myself.

Now here’s the part where I tell you how to battle this GARBAGE. It may not suspend your unhealthy mindset, but it will help you take steps to overcome the comparison trap. I have found that these strategies are practical and allow me to not just live, but to live with the belief that God’s Grace sustains me every day.

HOW TO FIGHT THE COMPARISON TRAP

1. Take healthy, regular breaks from social media. Delete the app but not the account. This way you still have access to your photos or videos, but you don’t need to see everyone else’s success ALL THE TIME. Re-download it as needed, but you will probably enjoy the break!
2. Unfollow negativity. If you see something you don’t like on social media, you have the power to ignore it by de-friending or unfollowing as you see fit.
3. Throw your freaking scale away. Just do it. I did and I am so happy I did. It doesn’t mean that you can’t know what you weigh. It just means you don’t have regular access to it. You can weigh yourself at the gym or with a nutrition coach if need be. You cant let a number define your daily happiness!
4. Remind yourself that you were given one life to live, and it IS so beautiful amidst the fight. Where you are at in this moment is a stepping stone to the plan that has been laid out for your life. God will use the struggles and successes you endure to reach another person later on. But just appreciate the current step.
5. Speak truth into your life by posting it on your mirrors in your home or on post-its in your car. Make up your own mantras, or find a scripture that is specific to your insecurity. Literally — go Google “verses to help me with ______”. That Google is a Godsend.
6. Start journaling for at least 10 minutes a day, This is something I don’t do yet, but I am working towards including in my schedule. It is a time for you to reflect where you’re at. Later on in life, you will be thankful that you can look back and see how far God has carried you.
7. Turn your comparisons into praises! Comment on someone’s photo or status and ENCOURAGE them. Focus your attention on being intentional with kindness and spreading that sh*t around like glitter.
8. As always, give yourself grace. Remind yourself that you were created by a God who wants to extend relief to you, for free. Forgive yourself. Believe in yourself, and in your God-given abilities, talents, and attributes. You were uniquely created to be genuinely successful in some areas of life, but not all of them. Know your worth, appreciate your value, and use it to bring joy to yourself and those around you.

Thank you for taking the time to invest in this blog and its purpose. I have already seen God use it for His glory and I hope that it reaches you in a positive way! Feel free to send me your story at giveyourselfgraceblog@gmail.com.

In HIS perfect grace,

Beka